My Story...

If you’ve seen the movie ‘The Vow’ you might be familiar with the opening quote:

“Life’s all about moments of impact and how they change our lives forever.”

I dare you to find a truer, more relevant quote about life. I’ll wait…

My life has been filled with ‘moments’ of impact and indeed ‘sliding doors moments’. These snapshots in time have developed me into the woman I am today, and whilst not all of them have been enjoyable, they have all provided opportunities for growth and development. As Channing Tatum’s character in the movie reminds us, “The thing is, each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we’ve experienced, with all the people we’ve ever known.”

Growing up, I was never 100% sure what I wanted to do with my life. However, what I did know was that I wanted it to be filled with purpose. This notion drew me towards professions like nursing and teaching, both of which I found equally fulfilling during work experience in high school. Yet, there were so many other things I was interested in and wanted to do…

Throughout school I enjoyed opportunities for free expression (when I wasn’t being too perfectionistic) like creative writing, poetry, art and colouring in competitions, lateral thinking puzzles and public speaking. As I grew older this love manifested into personal blogs about my experiences in life and mental health, poetry, painting and writing my debut novel in what I hope will be an 8-9 book series.

As a student I also enjoyed chances to develop my leadership skills like leadership conferences, Peer Support, being Vice Captain in primary school, the Student Representative Council (including the role of treasurer). As a teacher I explored coordinator roles in creative/performing arts and sport, as well as secretarial duties in collegial networks and relieving Assistant Principal positions.

I remember vividly that around the age of 18 I wrote a list of things I wanted to do when I ‘grew up’ and whilst that was 14 years ago, so I can’t remember it word for word, the list I created then (that continued to grow over the years) included things like:

·        Being a published author

·        Modelling

·        Writing poetry

·        Creating songs

·        Making art

·        Studying photography

·        Becoming an actress

·        Travel the world

Growing older, overall, I’ve found having a list of ambitions/‘bucket list’ items to be inspiration. The infinite opportunities and possibilities that are afforded to us in life light me up inside. However, there have definitely been plenty of moments where I’ve felt overwhelmed and been almost paralysed with fear/indecision. Because honestly, all I really wanted to do was be ‘happy’.

But, when you’re asked what you want to be when you’re older and you reply with that, people tend to look at you a little strange or point out how difficult ‘alternate’ routes through life can be e.g. “Don’t take a gap year, you’ll never go back to University”, “Travelling solo can be dangerous”, “It’s really hard to be a successful artist” and “Do you know how many rejections J.K Rowling had before she published a book?” And I’ll be the first to admit how shaken your self-belief can be after hearing everyone’s doubts or all the reasons you shouldn’t take a ‘leap of faith’.

Whilst I have been known to waver (and can still be seen doing so) on my ideas, projects and dreams, I don’t believe that I’ve become any less of a dreamer. I’m still acutely aware of how much of a numbers game living can be – the hours in the day we have to work our ‘magic’ and the finite number of days we are given in life. I am regularly working towards being a better, more consistent version of myself who is able to do more and be more in that allotted time.

When I look back at my life I no longer feel that attached or similar to many of my past selves. Whilst I was once so intimately acquainted with my ‘awkward, dorky’ early-pubescent self, ‘sullen, hormonal, depressed’ late teenage self and ‘insecure, unsure, lost and confused’ 20s self, they seem like such a distant memory now.  Reminiscing with the experiences I had, the grudges I held and the person I was, makes them all seem so naïve which is unsurprisingly, because as Maya Angelou said “When you know better, do better.” There’s a self of accomplishment (and perhaps pride?) in how dissimilar they are to the person I am now and that I’m constantly working towards becoming.

I know in my heart that my inner child and the previous, younger versions of me are jumping for joy at the progress I’ve made. Not just because in many ways I’ve surpassed my wildest dreams, but because I continue to better myself in a range of different ways, which is exciting. And whilst I own a lot of to my ridiculously high (almost unattainable) standards for myself, I owe so much of my self-awareness and character development to ‘moments of impact’ (or as I and others like to call them ‘sliding doors moments’).

Despite always enjoying creative expression, I can’t say I’ve ever really believed that I was ‘good’ at it. However, one of the most memorable ‘moments’ of impact’ on this journey to Project Passion was my experience of Year 8 English. I had a phenomenal teacher, Mrs Somerfield, who was really passionate about her job and had wonderfully interesting assignments. We got to write poems about being women/growing up as young women and had open ended imaginative writing tasks (we could write a short story, chapters from a novel, poems etc). I loved those classes and I look back on them so vividly. But what I’ll remember most is the way Mrs Somerfield had me believe in myself. She kept my ‘I am Woman’ poem to share with future classes and complimented my short story, even though I had an abundance of characters (for no reason) and killed most of them off…She saw my talent past my lack of practice. And for that I’ll be forever grateful.

[A special mention should also go to a beautiful soul in my class Alisa, who when asked who the most beautiful person she knew was, answered ‘Carly McIntosh’. I nearly cried.]

I should also mention that there was also a very cringeworthy moment, where we were asked what we would like to win an award for. Being naïve I answered ‘The most love given out’ and everyone immediately took it the wrong way, giving me looks of disgust or laughing. But I look back on that now and smile, because I stand by it. I truly believe my purpose is to make the world a better place in one way or another and kindness/love is one very real way to do that.

Another significant moment was years ago, when I bought tickets for my friend and I to attend a Female Empowerment workshop hosted/run by a family friend Jaya (after having attended a Male Health she’s run, that my cousin and uncle had spoken at). I’d had a horrific day and was really looking forward to the event. It did not disappoint. I spent the 1.5 hours in complete awe of the women who got up and spoke their truths, telling their stories of trauma, empowerment and success. Sitting there, watching their magic and power, I knew that I wanted to be a storyteller and a public speaker one day myself.

Consequently, I began following one of the speakers, Leola on social media. And a little while after she began advertising her own events. I attended her first one, a mix of emotional support, trauma work and yoga. I absolutely loved it and again hung on Leola’s every word. So, naturally, when Leola advertised another event ‘Stories of Survival’, I jumped at the chance to be involved, filling out an expression of interest. Despite feeling like my chances were slim, I was chosen to speak alongside two other powerhouse women – Elaine and Melissa.

Whilst speaking for 30 minutes in front of a room full of friends, family and strangers was terrifying, it was also uplifting. I opened myself up in a way I never had before. I spoke about some of the deepest, darkest, truest parts of myself that a lot of people weren’t aware of. I bared my soul, ugly cried and owned my story. I will never forget how anxious I was beforehand, nor how stressed I was as we were filming it live, but it was all worth the end result. Telling my story and breaking down the barriers/stigma around mental health.

This experience proved to a be a catalyst for my blogging. I began to write more consistently in general, but also more frequently about mental health – stress, adrenal fatigue, burn out, anxiety and depression. I wrote from my perspective and published it through me Instagram and Facebook channels, to spread awareness. I’ve stopped being afraid of admitting facts about my mental health (because judgement and stigma are unwelcome) and I’ve started being really transparent about my life and my struggles, in the hope that it helps others.

Through this experience, and due to connections I made on Instagram, I met the lovely Whitney who ran a website/blog called ‘That Awkward Conversation’. A dedicated space where guest bloggers and the website’s founder could blog about mental health, mental illness and everyday struggles in a judgement free zone. I ended up drafting 4 stories for the blog myself, and publishing 3 of those. The support I received from my friends and family around those blogs was phenomenal and I am so grateful. It was surprising the people my blogs resonated with, and I was so appreciative of the kind words people had to share.

It was this same amazing soul Whitney, who helped me launch into the world of self-publishing. Through Whitney, her sister Sheridan and their friend Sally (otherwise known as Press’d Publishing) I was able to realise my lifelong dream of becoming a published author. After a decade of drafting, editing, sending out queries and second guessing/doubting, I finally sent my fantasy novel ‘Tempest’ out into the world on the 8th of May, 2021. I am still in awe of the fact that I finally got over the line with that project…and that people genuinely wanted to buy it to support me! Telling my story, a story that had lived inside me for so long, felt amazing.

But, as always, once the original buzz was gone, I was looking for the next thing. I tried a few other things – poetry, a sequel, blogging and trying to build an Instagram community, but it didn’t fill my void. I also became frustrated with my lack of progress and lost faith in myself a bit. Accordingly, I was on the look out for something that would re-spark my passion and my interest, whilst maintaining my focus.

In January, I happened to make a comment to my father about the fact that someone had spent a chunk of time staring at me (I assumed due to the way I dressed and the tattoos on my arms). My Dad’s response will stay with me forever: “You’re a free spirit Carly. You may not see yourself that way, but you are.” And he was so right – I am a free spirit. I’m a dreamer (but also a doer) and that means I make lofty goals for myself. I like starting new projects (but hate having others looming overhead) and seeing what I can achieve next. As much as I try to follow the path forged by many others (and have managed to do so at times – standard profession, permanent job, marriage), I always seem to do as Robert Frost did and take the ‘road less travelled by’ because that makes all the difference.

So it’s unsurprising that by the time I picked up Sarah Davidson’s ‘Seize The Yay’ during my school holiday break, my mind was bubbling over with possibilities. Not only did the first 4 chapters convince me to take a LARGE step back from my permanent role, but they convinced me that I was capable of so much more than I thought. They had me convinced that I could have what I wanted and that I could launch a new project/business/prospect at any time, I just had to believe in myself.

And that’s precisely when Project Passion came to mind. My sister-in-law, an incredibly talented dance choreographer and artist and a dedicated high school creative/performing arts teacher had previously spoken about how she’d love to re-engage at risk kids in school by finding what they were passionate about and building it into their school day. Giving these students ‘passion projects’ to build their feelings of success and achievement. I had thought the idea was incredible at the time, because I loved the way people lit up when they talked about something they loved/were passionate about. (That same sister in law had once (rightly) said that confidence comes from your love for something e.g. if you really love your artwork, you don’t care if others don’t. And it’s true! ‘The more you come to love your decisions, the less you need others to love them’.)

As I read ‘Seize The Yay’ I pondered how I could get both sides of myself (the writer and the teacher) to co-exist in a new project or business. I thought about all the things I loved about writing and all the ways that teaching had become enjoyable over the years. And that’s when I knew. I was struck by how much I loved connecting with people (both as a writer and a teacher) and how I loved imparting knowledge/sharing experiences with others, to help them better themselves or their lives. I felt the want and need to write meaningful pieces that could potentially captivate and inspire others to make a change in their lives, as I had come to do after reading Sarah’s work. I wanted to ignite a passion in other people, because I loved seeing the fire in people’s eyes and bellies.

Recently I completed a Myers-Briggs personality test, which I found really insightful. I came out as a Protagonist, specifically a ‘turbulent’ protagonist. It was incredibly empowering to explore my strengths and perceived weaknesses, relationships/friendships, workplace habits and career options/progressions. It illuminated why I feel called to serve a greater purpose in life and strive to have a positive impact on other people (ultimately the world around me). Why I try my best to do the right thing, even when it is the most difficult option.

Apparently, protagonists are born leaders and can be found among coaches, teachers and other influential people. They are often inspirational in every avenue of their lives because of their immense passion and charisma. There’s not much that brings protagonists most joy and fulfilment than guiding others, particularly loved ones, to grow into their best selves.

All of this fits so beautifully with Project Passion’s core values. I love listening to other people’s stories and learning about the way they perceive the world around them. I enjoy hearing people talking about themselves in an empowered, inspirational or determined way. I hang off every word of TED talks and inspirational speeches, because of the way the speakers touch my soul. I am in awe of the way people’s hobbies, side-hustles and businesses come to be, often from a series of unlikely events.

I look forward to intriguing, inspiring and guiding you into the world of passion projects, through the passionate, innovative entrepreneurs and creatives I have the pleasure of interviewing (or should I say interrogating?) and sharing with you all.